They'll never admit it, but the world's most successful people do it! Yes, I'm talking about WORRYING. Although it's gotten a bum rap, worrying is actually a good thing. Worry causes us to look ahead and to anticipate potential obstacles. We are then in a position to function proactively, heading off possible problems, while steering toward opportunities for success.
The Problem
Many of us don't know how to control our ruminations. Instead, worry controls us. As a result, we worry, when doing so is unproductive -- even paralyzing. So how do we make this much-maligned "activity" work for us?
The Solution: Steps to Successful Worrying
Identify the problem. Determine what you are worrying about and write it down. Putting the issue on paper helps clarify it and allows you to look at it less emotionally.
Analyze it; but just once. Now that you have identified your concern, what can you do about it? You must first ask yourself how much control you have over the object of your worry. In each case, your concern will fall into one of the following categories:
Controllables -- These are worries over which you have direct control. In this case, you will get almost immediate relief by writing down the steps that you will take to address the concern and determining when you will take these action steps.
Givens -- These are dilemmas over which you have no control; therefore, they are the ones most likely to trigger intense worry. If the problem falls into this category, "schedule" a future time (within the next 12 hours) to worry, and then refuse to think about it any further in the present. Eventually you will see that you have control over when or if you worry, and you'll probably choose to do something more productive or enjoyable with your time!
Negotiables -- These are concerns over which you have limited control. Come up with an action plan for aspects of the concern you can influence. Then handle what is uncontrollable in the same manner you deal with "givens."
Now don't think about it! After you have determined whether your issue is a controllable, a given or a negotiable, and after you have taken steps as indicated above, the trick is to not rethink your problem. From here forward, worrying is no longer productive, and engaging in obsessive thinking about the issue will only turn into destructive or "unsuccessful" worrying.
Now I know what you seasoned worriers are saying to yourselves right about now: "Oh sure, just stop thinking about it -- easy for her to say." Truth is, there are ways to avoid revisiting the problem, and here they are:
Take a break from your problem -- Do something you love. It's hard to worry when you are absorbed in an activity you enjoy.
Have a good laugh about anything -- It is especially helpful if you can find humor in the situation that has been troubling you.
Be with others -- Do not isolate yourself. Spending too much time alone is an invitation to re-engage in destructive worry. Being with others helps keep things in a healthy perspective.
Help someone else -- Doing this takes your focus off you, and reminds you that everyone wrestles with concerns.
Have faith -- Remember that you have resolved previous problems that may have seemed insurmountable at the time. It also helps to turn to a higher power to re-establish a sense of inner peace.
Ask for reassurance -- Look to those you trust for support, and most importantly, for hugs! Physical touch is a great curative, especially in times of uncertainty.
Making these tools work for you will take some practice. But as you begin to take control, you will see that being a worrier may be one of your greatest strengths!
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